


sohin has added you to the chat "SMOSH".

by platinumbered



Category: Smosh
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Crack, De-Aged Characters, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Group chat, High School, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, evidently i am the rarepair q u e e n, i dont feel like tagging anything else so w/e, kind of, like damn, nonbinary!olivia, trans boys!wes and noah, well i mean occasionally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8164460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumbered/pseuds/platinumbered
Summary: Batshire: What is thissohin: literal hellBatshire: OhBatshire: Great





	1. and so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> yall. i have had. the WORST TIME. trying to post this.
> 
> if youre a big fan of mine (lol nahhh) then you know that ive tried to post this fic like 30 times and its not been letting me
> 
> but
> 
> hopefully the issue has been resolved, and i can post this fic. bc i really love it, and i hope you will too. peace nerds ✌
> 
> UPDATE: the issue is not resolved i am,,,, SCREAMING i can only post like 200 words of the 2nd chapter before it cuts off and wont let me post anymore i am DONE with this
> 
> im gonna leave it up until i can find SOME WAY TO FUCKING POST THIS GOSH DIDDLY DARN FANFICTION
> 
> in the meantime if yall know anything about why this could be happening please comment and let me know!!!! thanks yall!!!

_sohin (sohinki) has created the chat "SMOSH"._

_sohin has added mari tacohashi to the chat "SMOSH". (mari)_

_sohin has added Batshire to the chat "SMOSH". (joven)_

_sohin has added LASERCORN to the chat "SMOSH". (lasercorn)_

_sohin has added shayne topp to the chat "SMOSH". (shayne)_

_sohin has added Gaylord #1 to the chat "SMOSH". (noah)_

_sohin has added Gaylord #2 to the chat "SMOSH". (keith)_

_sohin has added courtney frEAKING MILLER to the chat "SMOSH". (courtney)_

_sohin has added i like buttholes to the chat "SMOSH". (olivia)_

_sohin has added Candy!!! to the chat "SMOSH". (wes)_

_sohin has added FLitz to the chat "SMOSH". (flitz)_

_sohin has added Mom to the chat "SMOSH". (ian)_

_sohin has added Dad to the chat "SMOSH". (anthony)_

sohin: and so it begins

Batshire: What


	2. welcome to hell, can i take your order?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my goodness!! so originally the chapter had emojis, and noahgrossmans informed me that maybe it would help if i removed them. so i did, and I CAN POST THE REST OF WHAT I HAVE SO FAR!!! THANK YOU, NOAHGROSSMANS!!! ❤❤❤ there will be two more updates after this chapter

7:49 PM

sohin: hey fuckwads welcome to the group chat i made

Batshire: What is this

sohin: literal hell

Batshire: Oh

Batshire: Great

mari tacohashi: hey guys!!!

sohin: hey mari

LASERCORN: SOHINKI WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THIS

sohin: because i live off of the suffering of others

Dad: hey guys

Batshire: I could tell

sohin: hey anthony

Dad: whats up

sohin: your mom

Dad: ...

_Dad has left the chat "SMOSH"._

LASERCORN: HAHAH

sohin: goddammit

_sohin added Dad to the chat "SMOSH"._

Dad: fuck you guys

sohin: ayy lmao

courtney frEAKING MILLER: hellooooo :)

i like buttholes: ђєll๏ єשєгy๏ภє

sohin: ok no

sohin: the font shit stops right now

i like buttholes: ภ๏๏๏๏๏๏๏๏

sohin: seriously it gives me fucking migraines

i like buttholes: youre literally so boring

courtney frEAKING MILLER: :(

LASERCORN: YOUR MOTHER'S A WHORE

LASERCORN: WAIT

LASERCORN: SORRY

LASERCORN: I WAS TALKING TO MATT RAUB

sohin: why do you insist on calling him by his full name

LASERCORN: BECAUSE THAT IS HIS NAME

sohin: ok then

Batshire: Hey lasercorn

LASERCORN: WHAT

Batshire: My moms making fettuccine alfredo tonight please come pick me up

LASERCORN: I DON'T HAVE MONEY

Batshire: I do just come pick me up and well go to mcdonalds or something

Batshire: Dude shell poison me i swear to god

Batshire: Youve had her cooking

Batshire: You know

LASERCORN: FINE I'M COMING NOW

sohin: hell yeah

mari tacohashi: ,':]

Batshire: I swear to god ill leave

sohin: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

sohin: yes daddi

_Batshire has left the chat "SMOSH"._

mari tacohashi: oooo damn

Dad: sohinki you are not at all good at this

sohin: shut the fuck up

_sohin addded Batshire to the chat "SMOSH"._

Batshire: Why

sohin: because you should

Batshire: Goddammit okay

Batshire: SYKE BITCH

_Batshire has left the chat "SMOSH"._

_sohin added Batshire to the chat "SMOSH"._

sohin: listen here you little shit

Batshire: Im taller than you

sohin: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

LASERCORN: JOVEN COME OUT

sohin: of the closet

sohin: you guys seriously keep walking into these

LASERCORN: SHUT UP SOHINKI

LASERCORN: I'M OUTSIDE JOVEN HURRY UP

Batshire: Ok

sohin: have fun on your hot date

Batshire: Shut up

mari tacohashi: guys!!!!!

mari tacohashi: i have decided!!!!!!!!!

mari tacohashi: today is the day!!!!!

sohin: shit man

sohin: good luck

shayne topp: the day for what?

sohin: hi shayne

sohin: mari is gonna come out to her mom

shayne topp: oh! that's great! bi pride for life!

mari tacohashi: wish me luck!!!!!!

Gaylord #1: my bf is cuter than urs

Gaylord #2: oh stooooppp ;))))

sohin: take your gay shit to pm

Gaylord #2: you love our gay shit dont lie

sohin: stop oh my god im gonna throw up

Gaylord #1: our gay shit is the BEST shit

courtney frEAKING MILLER: you guys are so cute never change :)

sohin: i swear to god you guys

i like buttholes: courtney and me are way cuter than that

shayne topp: woah! shots fired!

LASERCORN: JOVEN STOP SENDING ME PICTURES OF OUR FOOD

LASERCORN: JUST BRING IT TO THE CAR

LASERCORN: SINCE YOU INSISTED ON NOT GOING THROUGH THE DRIVE THRU

Batshire: Stop being salty

sohin: and here ladies and gentlemen

sohin: we have a perfect example of domestic paradise

sohin: careful

sohin: we might scare it away

LASERCORN: YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE

sohin: aaaa we unfortunately disturbed the bliss

sohin: it is running away to hide in the closet again

LASERCORN: SOHINKI I SWEAR

sohin: oh shut up you love me

LASERCORN: NO

LASERCORN: I DO NOT LOVE YOU

LASERCORN: I WOULD LITERALLY SELL YOU FOR WEED

sohin: you buy your weed from me you cant sell me for weed

Batshire: Hes correct

LASERCORN: GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR

Batshire: If i find jizz stains on my seat again im gonna eat your big mac

Batshire: I dont care if thats a euphemism for me eating your asshole i swear to god ill take your food

LASERCORN: YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND

Batshire: I bought you food

LASERCORN: SHH

sohin: you guys are not making this very difficult

Mom: woah guys what the hell

sohin: oh

sohin: whats up ian

Mom: i just read through all the texts so far

Mom: you guys are insane

sohin: no were not

sohin: our sophomore friends are just rubbing off on us

sohin: theyre nerds

sohin: so were also nerds now

Mom: im pretty sure thats just because you guys are nerds

sohin: well tHAT MEANS THAT YOURE A NERD BY ASSOCIATION

Mom: im willing to accept that

Candy!!!: Woah!!!

sohin: wes jesus christ

sohin: that is a total of six exclamation points

LASERCORN: JOVEN WON'T STOP PLAYING BAD MUSIC

Candy!!!: What is he playing???

FLitz: Babe

FLitz: This Also Goes For Anyone Else Who Has Ms Tyson For Math

FLitz: What Was Our Homework

LASERCORN: HE'S PLAYING MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

sohin: you cant lie to me

sohin: ive seen that poster you keep under your bed

sohin: nice try fucker

LASERCORN: SHUT UP

sohin: very good comeback sir

Candy!!!: I think we had to finish the test review for the quiz on Wednesday!!! Sohinki, is that right????

sohin: you win

sohin: and yeah i think

mari tacohashi: MY MOM IS OK WITH IT!!!!!!!

mari tacohashi: OLIVIA AND COURT!!!!!!

mari tacohashi: CELEBRATORY GIRLS NIGHT???????

sohin: mari that is so awesome!

shayne topp: courtney and olivia are busy right now, mari, but they told me to tell you that they're gonna do a girls' night with you some other time!

shayne topp: also, yay! :D

Batshire: Yay mari!

mari tacohashi: :DDDDDD


	3. dragon bongs and shotgunning

12:47 AM

Batshire: Sohinki

sohin: yeah m8

Batshire: I have a question

sohin: ask away man

Batshire: Since plants are technically alive

Batshire: Do you think it hurts a strawberry when you bite into it

sohin: uhhhh

Batshire: But like does it not hurt because it was already separated from the plant

Batshire: But then that means that it must have hurt when you took the strawberry off of the strawberry plant

Batshire: But do plants even feel pain at all

sohin: did you by any chance toke up with lasercorn

Batshire: Yes

sohin: thats what i thought

Batshire: He said i blew the best smoke rings

Batshire: He said i was the smoke ring champ

sohin: i bet you are

sohin: but next time you smoke invite me

sohin: let me in on a piece of that action

Batshire: Ok

Batshire: Lasercorn wants to know if you can sneak out and come smoke with us

Batshire: His parents wont be home until the end of the week and that he wants you to bring more weed because hes running low

Batshire: Im spotting him weed money

sohin: uhhh

sohin: lemme check if mom and mom are still awake

sohin: theyre not

sohin: ill walk over and be there in like 15 mins

Batshire: He has a dragon bong

sohin: im aware

sohin: i bought it for him

sohin: and hey

sohin: tell him the weeds on the house

Batshire: Ok

Batshire: He says thanks

sohin: tell him i say youre welcome

sohin: ill be there in 15

Batshire: Ok see you

3:54 AM

sohin: hey mari

sohin: or anyone else

sohin: are any of you up

Candy!!!: Flitz and I are!!!

sohin: ok i dont wanna know what you guys are doing

Candy!!!: We're cuddling!!!!!!!!! :3

sohin: ...ok good

Candy!!!: And his dick is in my hand.

sohin: jESUS ASS FUCKING CHRIST MAN

Candy!!!: We're watching Stranger Things and having lazy sex!!!!!!

Candy!!!: It is really nice!!!

Candy!!!: I give good handjobs!!!!!!!

sohin: WHERE IS YOUR CHILL

Candy!!!: With my virginity!!!!!!!!!

Candy!!!: LOST A LONG TIME AGO!!!!! (★^O^★)

sohin: MAY I CONTINUE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Candy!!!: Yes you may!!! (*^▽^*)

sohin: alright good

sohin: so im walking over to lasercorns house to smoke weed with him and joven right

Candy!!!: At three in the morning???? 

sohin: it was actually midnight ok dont judge

sohin: anyways i get there and knock on the door

sohin: no one answers

sohin: i check the lock

sohin: the door is open

sohin: i call for joven and lasercorn and they dont answer

sohin: im like

sohin: alrighty then

sohin: i yell that im coming in

sohin: no answer

Candy!!!: Were they even in the house????

sohin: hang on im getting to that

sohin: so i let myself in and go up to lasercorns room like hey man whatup

sohin: and there they are

sohin: making out without a CARE IN THE GODDAMN WORLD

Candy!!!: (⊙_☉)

Candy!!!: WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sohin: I WAS QUIET SO I DONT THINK THEY SAW ME

sohin: BUT I JUST LEFT THE ROOM TO GIVE THEM SOME PRIVACY

sohin: well i mean no because i waited for a time when there was a break in the making out and i had to watch to see when

sohin: not gonna lie it kinda incited a boner

sohin: but like a semi

sohin: not full on like BLAOW I NEED TO PUT IT IN SOMETHING

sohin: like a halffie

sohin: BUT THEN THEY STOPPED AND I WALKED IN LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG KINDA DYING A LITTLE ON THE INSIDE

sohin: AND THEY DIDNT BRING IT UP

sohin: I ALSO SAW A HICKEY ON JOVENS COLLARBONE THAT HE DIDNT ADDRESS

sohin: IT WAS REALLY AWKWARD

sohin: and then i was high and it wasnt anymore bUT STILL

Candy!!!: Were they shotgun kissing???

sohin: i mean they might have been

sohin: but like

sohin: if they were in a relationship

sohin: even a secret one

sohin: then why didnt they tell me? or anyone else?

sohin: im their friend right?

Candy!!!: Sohinki... :(

Candy!!!: This may not be easy to hear...

Candy!!!: But maybe they didn't want to tell you.

sohin: what?

sohin: why?

Candy!!!: Because...

Candy!!!: You did put a lot of pressure on them getting together...

Candy!!!: They were probably trying not to have feelings for each other for years. It was most likely about not wanting to come out, for fear that the friendship dynamic between them would change, and that they'd be associated with stereotypes by people outside of our friend group!! And they didn't want that!!!!

Candy!!!: Hearing the other guy call them dating "weird" and "gross" and telling you to shut up whenever you mentioned it at all probably didn't help...

Candy!!!: And they didn't want you to be right about their feelings for each other, because that would have meant that they weren't as good at hiding it as they thought they were!!!!!

Candy!!!: I feel like maybe they still were friends with you, but didn't like how smug you were about their feelings.

Candy!!!: I'm really sorry, Sohinki... ╥﹏╥

sohin: no

sohin: its ok

sohin: you know what ill do

sohin: im gonna make a mini group chat with both of them and apologize

sohin: i was kind of a jerk to them about it huh

Candy!!!: Yeah... (╯︵╰,)

sohin: you know wes

sohin: youre a lot smarter than anyone gives you credit for

sohin: thanks for telling me all this

sohin: youre a good bro

Candy!!!: Thank you!!!!!

Candy!!!: You are too!!!（⌒▽⌒）

sohin: i try

sohin: im gonna get something to eat and then sleep

sohin: have fun sucking flitzs dick

Candy!!!: I will indeed!!!!!!!!!!! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Candy!!!: Good night!!!!! ( ˘ ³˘)❤

sohin: good night u fucjin nerd


	4. is it too late now to say sOORRYYY

4:31 AM

_sohin has added Batshire to the chat "about your relationship"._

_sohin has added LASERCORN to the chat "about your relationship"._

sohin: hey you guys

Batshire: Hi sohinki

Batshire: That title has me worried

Batshire: What are you doing

sohin: im apologizing

LASERCORN: HELLO SOHINKI

LASERCORN: FOR WHAT

sohin: im apologizing for being a dick about you guys together

sohin: i saw you guys shotgunning

sohin: and i told wes about it

LASERCORN: YOU WHAT

sohin: oh

sohin: shit

LASERCORN: WHY DID YOU TELL WES

sohin: well i told wes bc i was kinda upset that you didnt tell me you were

sohin: fucking

sohin: dating

sohin: messing around

sohin: whatever you guys are doing

Batshire: Were dating

sohin: cool

sohin: bc you never brought it up when you knew i was with you  
sohin: and wes told me

sohin: this is summed up btw

sohin: that you guys might not have told me bc i was smug and kinda an asshole about this whole thing

sohin: and that you mightve resented me bc you mightve thought it meant that you hadnt been as good at hiding your sexuality as you thought youd been

Batshire: Spot on

sohin: so

sohin: i am so goddamn sorry

sohin: here

sohin: take this relic of how sorry i am

sohin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRh_vgS2dFE

LASERCORN: I DON'T THINK I WANT TO FORGIVE YOU ANYMORE

Batshire: Same lasercorn

LASERCORN: I'M JUST KIDDING SOHINKI

LASERCORN: SORRY FOR NOT TELLING YOU

Batshire: Yeah

Batshire: We probably should have been honest with you and the rest of the group

sohin: naaahh its ok

sohin: you dont owe me anything

Batshire: Still

sohin: thanks for forgiving me

sohin: seriously you guys are some of the best friends ive ever had

Batshire: :) Youre a great friend too sohin

Batshire: We love you

LASERCORN: :D

sohin: aww you dorks

sohin: love you too


	5. #TRANSPRIDEFORLIFE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied there were 3 updates
> 
> ft. trans!wes and also trans!noah bc i FUCKING LOVE THOSE HEADCANONS and also i have no self control
> 
> TW TRANSPHOBIA. if this triggers you in any way you can skip this chapter, and tell me down in the comments. ill give you a summary. :) stay safe!

1:20 PM

FLitz: Somebody Come Get Wes

sohin: why what did he do :?

sohin: ive been wanting to use that emoji all goddamn day for some reason

FLitz: He Walked Out Of Math Because He Told Ms Tyson His Name Was Not Winnie When Ms Tyson Was Taking Attendance And She Wouldnt Call Him By His Name

FLitz: She Went All Quiet And Wouldnt Let Me Go Get Him

FLitz: She Actually Stood In Front Of The Door When I Tried To Do It Anyway

FLitz: I Cant Leave Yall Do Something

sohin: oh

sohin: shit

LASERCORN: I'M ON IT

LASERCORN: HANG ON I'M GOING TO GET JOVEN FROM SCIENCE AND LEAVE

LASERCORN: WES MEET ME AT MY CAR

LASERCORN: JOVEN GET READY

Candy!!!: Okay... :(

sohin: wes holy shit

sohin: are you ok

Candy!!!: ...No.

Batshire: I put all my stuff in my bag and im ready lasercorn hurry

LASERCORN: I'M RIGHT BY MS. FELLOWS' ROOM

LASERCORN: I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC

Batshire: Cool cool

sohin: can i come

Batshire: Youre gonna fail history if you keep skipping the class

sohin: i dont care wes is way more important

Batshire: Your parents will ground you

Batshire: Youre no use to help wes if you cant leave your house

sohin: fuck

sohin: as much as i fucking HATE to admit it

sohin: youre right

sohin: YOUD BETTER UPD8 ME YOU FUCKS

LASERCORN: CAN DO

i like buttholes: guys is wes ok?

courtney frEAKING MILLER: oh no!!! :'(

Batshire: Dont leave class

Batshire: Weve got it

shayne topp: can we all meet at 4:30 at my house? my mom loves wes. we can all talk about what to do about this!

Gaylord #2: gr8 idea shayne im in

Gaylord #1: me too!!! #TRANSPRIDEFORLIFE

Gaylord #2: yall are so precious imma kill ms tyson

sohin: fuck yes lets vandalize her fucking car

sohin: dude im seriously considering

courtney frEAKING MILLER: youd be grounded for the rest of your life or arrested!!!! dont!!!!!!!!!!! :0

Gaylord #1: i agree 100% with court on this one

Gaylord #1: youd get arrested or something if they found out it was you

LASERCORN: SOHINKI

LASERCORN: VANDALIZING THINGS IS MY SPECIALTY

LASERCORN: I AM VERY GOOD AT NOT GETTING CAUGHT

LASERCORN: STICK TO WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT

sohin: you literally sign your name on the shit you vandalize

LASERCORN: SHUT UP

LASERCORN: THIS IS ABOUT WES

Candy!!!: That made me feel a bit better, actually. :)

Gaylord #2: get rekt lcorn

Gaylord #1: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Batshire: Lasercorn literally picked me up bridal style and carried me out of the classroom

Batshire: Im screaming

sohin: damn i wish i could have seen that

Candy!!!: Hurry, you guys. Please. Get me out of here.

Batshire: Sorry wes

Batshire: Lasercorn says were almost there

Batshire: Youll be ok

Candy!!!: Ask Lasercorn where his car is. I can't find it.

Batshire: He says its in front of the patterson building, third aisle from the left, right side, five spaces down

Candy!!!: Thank you.

Batshire: Sohinki were driving away now

Batshire: Where do we go

Batshire: Are you still there

Batshire: Sohinki

sohin: meet me at the playground near ians house in 45 mins

sohin: i have ms tyson ill skip then

Gaylord #1: honestly i wanna put ms tyson in a wheelchair

sohin: and how the hell are you gonna do that

sohin: with your noodley ass arms

Gaylord #1: you shut up ill just trans her to death

sohin: seems reasonable


	6. #BLESSMOMMAJOHNSON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slow updates!! my dad is an asshole and mental illness is not fun. ill try to keep updating as fast as i can!! thank you for being so patient with me ^^'

4:30 PM

sohin: god what a hell week

Batshire: Oh god i know

Batshire: Dude did you see wes' mom

Batshire: I thought she was gonna fucking explode or something she was so mad

Gaylord #2: ill be real honest with yall i was fearin for my life a little bit

sohin: same holy shit

Candy!!!: MY MOM IS SUING THE SCHOOL??????

mari tacohashi: WOAH

mari tacohashi: I GOT MY PHONE TAKEN AWAY WHILE I WAS SICK

mari tacohashi: HOW DID I MISS THIS

mari tacohashi: WES I AM SO SORRY

Candy!!!: It's okay!!!!!!

Candy!!!: MY MOM IS SUING THE SCHOOL FOR "REFUSING TO ACCOMMODATE THEIR GENDERQUEER STUDENTS"

sohin: SHIIIIIT THATS SO AWESOME MAN

Candy!!!: IKRRRRRRRR!!!!!! ♥(✿ฺ´∀'✿ฺ)ﾉ

Gaylord #2: #blessmommajohnson

Candy!!!: #BlessMommaJohnson !!! ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

mari tacohashi: wes i am so happy for youuuu!!!! :D

Mom: hey you guys

Candy!!!: Yeah?

Mom: celebratory wes' mom is suing the school party at my house

Dad: i helped plan it

Dad: were gonna watch con air and laugh at it

Batshire: Can i bring the christopher nolan batmans

Dad: no?

Dad: you made me watch those with you almost every weekend when we were dating why are you like this

Mom: ha

mari tacohashi: oooooooo!!

sohin: get fucked

Batshire: Rude and disrespectful

LASERCORN: I WANT TO WATCH BATMAN

Batshire: Thank you lasercorn

LASERCORN: YOU'RE WELCOME

Dad: you only want to watch them bc joven will suck your dick about halfway throught batman begins

sohin: damn

LASWRCORN: I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH WANTING A BLOWJOB

Batshire: I feel attacked

Candy!!!: OH MY GOSH, ARE WE HOLDING A PITY PARTY?????? 乂❤‿❤乂

Mom: um

Mom: oh wait

Mom: its melanie i get it

Candy!!!: :D!!!!!!!!!

Mom: you guys are all disasters

Dad: none of you are free of sin

sohin: they hate us cuz they anus

LASERCORN: HA

Batshire: I am disgusted oh no

Candy!!!: EVERYONE HUSH AND COME TO MY HOUSE (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

Batshire: Im bringing the batmans whether you like it or not

Mom: if you suck lasercorns dick on my couch i swear ill never forgive you

i like buttholes: oh my gosh this chat stream has been a ride from start to finish

Batshire: Lol

sohin: truuueeee

courtney frEAKING MILLER: :0!!!!!

courtney frEAKING MILLER: wes your mom is awesome!!!!!

Candy!!!: I know!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

i like buttholes: P I T Y   P A R T Y

Candy!!!: YESSSSS!!!!!! :DDDDD

Gaylord #1: i heard pity party so now im here

Mom: none of you are free of sin

sohin: THEY HATE US CUZ THEY ANUS

Batshire: Please stop

sohin: fuck you im on a roll

Batshire: Get off of it

Mom: both of you shut up and come over

shayne topp: ill be there!

Dad: see you guys


	7. LASERCUDDLES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHAT YEARS THEYRE IN:  
> Keith, Noah, Courtney, Olivia, Shayne- Sophomores  
> Wes, Flitz - Juniors  
> Mari, Joven, Sohinki, Lasercorn - Seniors  
> Anthony, Ian - Freshmen (in college)
> 
> so ian and anthony are legit parents jsyk
> 
> except not cause ians lowkey ace and anthony is his caring lovely boyfriend who just wants to be with him and doesnt care about sex aaaaa  aa a
> 
> im trash for ace!ian sorry
> 
> also! warning for implied underage sexual content. its not described in detail; its just sohinki and a couple others (legit almost everybody) whining about hearing sex noises coming from the bathroom. still, though, if you dont feel comfortable reading it, just tell me down in the comments and ill give you a summary of this chapter!!! :)

1:12 AM

sohin: oh my god someone please tell flitz and wes to stop fucking in the bathroom

sohin: wes is so loud im legit dying

sohin: like please god

sohin: strike me down with a fucking lightning bolt or some shit

LASERCORN: JUST KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND TELL THEM TO KEEP IT DOWN

sohin: i dont wanna get up thooooo

sohin: you do it

LASERCORN: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

sohin: why are you so mean to me

sohin: im just a Young Gay trying to make my way in the world

sohin: also where the hell are ian and anthony

sohin: its ians house

sohin: he is being a shitty fucking host rn

LASERCORN: I'M NOT SURE

LASERCORN: I THINK HE AND ANTHONY WENT ON AN ALCOHOL RUN

sohin: good

sohin: i am going to drink to forget

Mom: who the hell is fucking in my bathroom

sohin: hello momther

sohin: i believe your children are engaging in some sexual activity in your room of rest

sohin: wes and flitz to be exact

Mom: oh HELL no

Mom: I CLEANED THAT TODAY

Mom: my mom will not approve if flitz gets jizz onto her towels

Mom: goddammit you guys

sohin: oi

sohin: dont shoot the messenger here

sohin: im just saying

Mom: i wanna go tell them to shut up but id also rather die than see them naked

sohin: CURRENT MOOD

Batshire: Will someone please tell wes to stop moaning so loudly

Batshire: Im gonna go deaf

mari tacohashi: as well as blind

sohin: OH

sohin: SH I T

sohin: JOVEN YOU JUST GOT EFFED IN THE A

Mom: DAMN MARI

sohin: SAVAGE ASF

Mom: JOVEN YOU JUST GOT FUCKING DESTROYED

LASERCORN: HAHAH

Batshire: I did not come here to be disrespected

mari tacohashi: B]]

sohin: dude okay real talk

sohin: i think wes is a bit of an exhibitionist

sohin: like i think he wants us to hear him right now

LASERCORN: ...

LASERCORN: WELL IT WOULD CERTAINLY EXPLAIN A LOT

Gaylord #2: yall are haters let wes and flitz do they thing

sohin: im not hating

sohin: i just would like to not hear them have sex

Gaylord #2: lyin is a sin u hatin

sohin: JEEsus fuck did you HEAR THAT

LASERCORN: OH MY GOD

Batshire: Thats it

Batshire: Im going in

Batshire: Im gonna tell them to shut the hell up

Batshire: Im gonna do it

sohin: yeah well next time dont kick me in the fuCKING HEAD ON YOUR WAY TO THE BATHROOM YOU HEARTLESS SLUT

Batshire: Hush

sohin: sleeping over was a dumb idea and this shouldnt happen

sohin: im going downstairs to sleep on the couch

LASERCORN: SOHINKI I WILL CUDDLE YOU

sohin: the offer is appreciated but nah

sohin: i am feeling personally offended by the loudness of wes' fucking orgasm and i cannot dO THIS SHIT

sohin: he is my friend

sohin: and i love him to death

sohin: but i will not be able to look him in the eye after this

sohin: not even lasercuddles will help

LASERCORN: :(

Batshire: Dont worry lasercorn

Batshire: Ill cuddle you

LASERCORN: :)

sohin: this is the most adorable shit ive ever seen

Batshire: They said theyd try and keep it down

sohin: emphasis on "try"

sohin: but thank you

sohin: nope

sohin: never mind

sohin: you fucking kICKED ME IN THE HEAD AGAIN YOU B ITCH

Batshire: Sorry


	8. gender??? what gender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise im dropping another bomb ass headcanon on yall
> 
> be prepared
> 
> if you guys dont appreciate the headcanon then sorry i just,, rly like it sooooo
> 
> here is this chapter

2:30 PM

sohin: hey

Batshire: Hey

sohin: youre a fuckin nerd

LASERCORN: DON'T INSULT MY BOYFRIEND

Batshire: Yeah

Batshire: I do not deserve this

sohin: uh,,,

sohin: are you guys witnessing this bullshit

i like buttholes: yeah joven you kinda do :/

Batshire: LITERALLY NAME ONE TIME

sohin: im making a masterlist right now

sohin sent an image file: JovensAHugeNerdMasterlist.png.

sohin: take it

Batshire: You HAD TO BRING UP THAT time didnt you

LASERCORN: SOHINKI HE'S SO MAD RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD

sohin: it wasnt even an insult

i like buttholes: im saving that masterlist

i like buttholes: ⓑⓛⓐⓒⓚⓜⓐⓘⓛ ⓜⓐⓣⓔⓡⓘⓐⓛ 

sohin: you and your fucking fonts

sohin: i am Done

i like buttholes: oh!!! after classes are over i have something to tell all of you guys

i like buttholes: especially courtney

sohin: oh

sohin: good or bad

i like buttholes: for me and the rest of you guys its good

i like buttholes: i dont know what her reaction will be tho :/

sohin: okay livia

sohin: hope shit works out for you

Batshire: Yeah

Batshire: Were all here for you

LASERCORN: :)

i like buttholes: thank you guys so much youre the best friends ever ❤❤❤❤❤

4:30 PM

i like buttholes: okay is everyone online??

Mom: here

Dad: hey

Batshire: Sup

LASERCORN: HERE

sohin: the party has arrived

courtney frEAKING MILLER: hello baby!!! ❤

Gaylord #1: hey olivia

shayne topp: hi!!

Candy!!!: (☆^ー^☆)

FLitz: Present

Gaylord #2: sup livliv

i like buttholes: okay so

i like buttholes: this is something ive been sitting on for a while

i like buttholes: and i only just now figured out kind of what it is

i like buttholes: although its still really confusing

i like buttholes: i dont really...feel like a girl

i like buttholes: but i dont feel like a boy either

i like buttholes: i feel like

i like buttholes: maybe something thats both

i like buttholes: or in between

i like buttholes: im not really sure

i like buttholes: but what i do know is that im mostly a girl and im kinda ok with that but also not a girl and i dont want to be referred to as one

i like buttholes: i like the name olivia but they them pronouns please

sohin: oh

Candy!!!: !!!!!!!!!!

courtney frEAKING MILLER: i am coming over right now

shayne topp: courtney i love you with my whole life but if you do anything bad im going to be very upset at you >:(

i like buttholes: she is sprinting down the street oh my gosh im nervous

i like buttholes: she is cLIMBING UP TO MY WINDOW

i like buttholes: SHE GAVE ME A HUGE HUG AND A KISS

i like buttholes: IM BLUSHING

i like buttholes: SHE SAYS SHELL LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT OHMG

LASERCORN: YAY :)

sohin: olivia thats great!!!

sohin: im so happy for you dude slay the game

Gaylord #2: hell yeah livliv you do you

Gaylord #2: werk the stage

Gaylord #1: what he said!! ❤

Candy!!!: I'm so proud of youuuuu!!!! ♥(✿ฺ´∀'✿ฺ)ﾉ

Mom: awww

Mom: olivia well always be here for you

Mom: youre our best friend we love you

Dad: yeah like you helped ian and i get together and plus your weirdness is endearing

LASERCORN: YES :)

Batshire: I agree 100%

shayne topp: and if anyone gives you shit about it i will personally send them to hell myself :D

LASERCORN: SECONDED

Batshire: We all would

i like buttholes: omg!!! you guys are making me blush so much i dont deserve u

Gaylord #2: bitch do we all gotta reverse roast you rn cuz ill do it

Gaylord #2: youre the best friend ever youre like so sweet and weird and strange and we love you a lot

Gaylord #1: ❤!!!!

i like buttholes: im so glad now omg

Mom: good

Mom: thats our job

Dad: hell yeah

courtney frEAKING MILLER: ill love you no matter what olivia

courtney frEAKING MILLER: promise ❤❤ :)

i like buttholes: i love you toooooo

sohin: you guys are precious ohno

courtney frEAKING MILLER: ;D


	9. (͡° ͜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HANDY DANDY SMOSH FAM GENDER/SEXUALITY CHART:  
> ian: he/him, asexual homoromantic  
> anthony: he/him, bisexual biromantic  
> wes: he/him (trans man), pansexual panromantic  
> flitz: he/him, doesnt want to put a label on it  
> lasercorn: he/him, homosexual homoromantic  
> joven: he/him, homosexual homoromantic  
> mari: she/her, bisexual biromantic  
> olivia: they/them, asexual panromantic  
> keith: he/him, pansexual panromantic  
> courtney: she/her, asexual biromantic  
> shayne: he/him, asexual aromantic, queerplatonic polyamorus  
> noah: he/him (trans man), homosexual homoromantic  
> sohinki: he/him, pansexual panromantic
> 
> youre welcome !!

6:54 PM

Gaylord #2: YO WHATS UP HO HO HOES

Gaylord #2: TIS THE SEASON

Gaylord #2: IMMA SHOVE A CANDY CANE UP MY A S S

sohin: whywouldyoudothat

Gaylord #2: I FUCKIN LOVE CHRISTMAS MAN

sohin: j e b u s   c r i s p

Mom: oh my GOD

Mom: ANTHONY OUR KIDS ARE REALLY GODDAMN WEIRD

Dad: oh i know

Dad: trust me

Dad: i know

sohin: (͡° ͜

sohin: shit

Mom: what is that

Mom: is that a fucking lenny face

Mom: why is haLF ITS FACE MISSING

sohin: FUCK YOU ITS A TYPO

Mom: HA

_Mom has changed the chat name to "(͡° ͜ "._

sohin: fuck you ian

Mom: (͡° ͜

Dad: (͡° ͜

Batshire: (͡° ͜

LASERCORN: (͡° ͜

sohin: wHeRe ThE fUcK dId YoU gUyS cOmE fRoM

Gaylord #2: (͡° ͜

sohin: S T O P   T H I S

sohin: i feel so attacked

Mom: you deserve it

sohin: literally im offended why are you BULLYING Me

Mom:

Dad:

Batshire:

LASERCORN:

Gaylord #2:

sohin: i deserve it dont i

Mom: yep

sohin: fair

Gaylord #1: keith i am not gonna put a candy cane in your butthole

mari tacohashi: what did i just read omG

mari tacohashi: i entered this chat at the WRONG TIME

Gaylord #2: ....yall werent supposed to see that

Gaylord #2: i only said that to freak sohinki out ffs

sohin: you are a Liar keef,, im kinkshami,g

mari tacohashi: oMG

mari tacohashi: KEEF

mari tacohashi: IM WHEEZIN G

Gaylord #1: keith if you didnt want anyone to see it why did you put it in the chat oh my god

Gaylord #1: you didnt think that through

Gaylord #2: no i did not

mari tacohashi: breaking news: keith likes putting candy canes in his ass

sohin: make it a hashtag

Mom: #StopKeith2k16

Gaylord #2: yall are so rude and disrespectful tbh.........

sohin: at least we eat candy canes instead of putting them places they should not be

Mom: o shit !!

LASERCORN: HAHA

Batshire: Oh my god

sohin: get fucked keef

_sohin has changed the chat name to "SMOSH"._

Mom: noooo

sohin: shit sucks ian

Mom: you just cant handle the fact that im far smarter than you are

Dad: and yet

Dad: you had to pay an underclassman to do your science homework for all of junior year

Dad: hmmm

mari tacohashi: G ASP

LASERCORN: WOW

Mom: YOU SWORE YOU WOULDNT BRING THAT UP

i like buttholes: ɨ aʍ sċʀɛɛռsɦօttɨռɢ tɦat

Mom: WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM OH MY GOD

i like buttholes: ɨ ҡռօա a ɢʊʏ

Mom: BUT TECHNICALLY THAT WOULDNT APPLY TO THIS SITUATION

i like buttholes: ;)

Batshire: Oh my dear sweet god

Gaylord #2: yall are out of control

sohin: OH GOD MOM ARE YOU AND DAD GETTING A DIVORCE

sohin: IM SIXTEEN IM A GROWN WOMAN

courtney frEAKING MILLER: what is even happening right now????

sohin: dont ask questions we cant answer courtney

Batshire: This is such a shitshow

Gaylord #2: im just happy to be here


	10. A GIANT BILLBOARD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry for the late update!!!! technical difficulties are to blame
> 
> but on a better note, get ready for some marhinki ;000

4:13 AM

sohin: is anyone up?

sohin: i need advice

FLitz: Whats Wrong Sohinki

Candy!!!: Yeah! We'll try to help as best we can! (^.^)

sohin: well uh

sohin: its crush stuff

Candy!!!: :0000 Really???

sohin: yeah dude

FLitz: Can We Know Who It Is

sohin: um maybe later,,

sohin: but this person is so

sohin: amazing yknow

sohin: and theyre so strong and smart and they just seem so perfect all the time and adorable too and aaaa a

sohin: and i really want to ask them out but i dont know how not to fuck it up bc i mess up a lot

sohin: a LOT

sohin: and i just

sohin: really like them

sohin: oh great im blushing like an idiot

FLitz: I Think The Best Thing To Do In This Situation Would Be To Tell Her

sohin: um who says its a her

sohin: you guys dont know who im talking about

FLitz:

Candy!!!:

FLitz:

Candy!!!:

FLitz:

Candy!!!:

sohin: shut the fuck up

sohin: wes i can hear you rolling your eyes from here

sohin: any fucking ways

sohin: what do i do

FLitz: Tell Her You Dingus

FLitz: I Just Said That

Candy!!!: I agree!!! 

sohin: yeah but FUCK NO

sohin: im like a brother to her probably

Candy!!!: ...

FLitz: Im Calling Bullshit

Candy!!!: Same here!!

Candy!!!: I think Mari really likes you too.

sohin: I NEVER SAID IT WAS MARI

FLitz: You Werent Exactly Subtle

FLitz: You Practically Had It Written On Your Forehead

Candy!!!: More like A GIANT BILLBOARD!!!!! (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

FLitz: Plus The Nickname She Gave You Is Your Screen Name

FLitz: So

sohin: when will this bullying end

FLitz: I Dont Hear You Denying It

Candy!!!: (´∀`)

sohin: go fuck yourself

sohin: wait

sohin: if you guys already knew who i had a crush on

sohin: then why did you ask if you could know who it was

FLitz: We Wanted To Hear You Say It

Candy!!!: And then I was going to screenshot it for later use. (o‿∩)

sohin: oh god

sohin: you werent going to tell her were you

Candy!!!: Oh, no!!

Candy!!!: I'm not an asshole!!!!!

sohin: thats up for debate tbh

Candy!!!: You hush!!!! (￣^￣)

Candy!!!: I was just going to have it!!!!!!

Candy!!!: For posterity!!!!!!

sohin: ugh

sohin: if itll make you shut up about it fine

sohin: i

sohin: matthew eric sohinki

sohin: have a crush on mariko takahashi

Candy!!!: There you go. ❤ Feel better?

sohin: ugh


	11. the only running sohinki does is away from his problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS GDAMN CHAPTER IS S O LONG OVERDUE YALL HAVE NO IDEA
> 
> no inspiration will do that to ya!!! but!!!
> 
> this is gonna be not super long but chock full of the Good Marhinki Content, to make up for how long you guys have waited (yall are so patient!!!! what angels!!!), and i hope yall like it as much as i do!!! enjoy, lovelies!!!!

7:19 AM

Candy!!!: Sohinki!!!!!!!!

Candy!!!: Sohinki sohinki sohinki sohinki sohi

sohin: jesus CHRIST why is my ringer on right now

sohin: ITS SATURDAY ASSHOLE

Candy!!!: :DDDDD

Candy!!!: Sorry for waking you up :P

sohin: liar

Candy!!!: Yeah, you got me, haha

Candy!!!: But seriously sohinki i think you should tell her how you feel :(

sohin: no, dude

sohin: i

sohin: i dont know

sohin: i just cant

sohin: drop it for now, okay?

sohin: jfc its too early for this

Candy!!!: ...Okay.

sohin: can we just

sohin: talk about something else for right now

sohin: i dont really want to think abt mari at this very second

mari tacohashi: huh?

mari tacohashi: sohinki whats up?

mari tacohashi: did i do something wrong?

Candy!!!: ⊙.⊙

sohin: i

sohin: shit

sohin: i gotta go okay ill talk to you guys later

Candy!!!: Sohinki, hang on a sec!!! We can talk this out!!!

Candy!!!: Sohinki?

Candy!!!: Sohinki, I know you can read this!!!! :(

_sohin has left the chat "SMOSH"._

Candy!!!: Oh, dammit all.

Candy!!!: Dammit all!!!! :(

mari tacohashi: what is even going on?????

Candy!!!: Um.

Candy!!!: I don't know if I can tell you?

mari tacohashi:

mari tacohashi: why?

mari tacohashi: is sohinki like

mari tacohashi: mad at me or something?

Candy!!!: Um. No.

Candy!!!: Quite the opposite, actually. ^^'

mari tacohashi: uh

mari tacohashi: what does that mean

Candy!!!: Later, Mari!! I have to go fix things. As usual!!

mari tacohashi: wes???

mari tacohashi: oh come on!! dont leave me

mari tacohashi: wes!!!

mari tacohashi: this is so dumb

mari tacohashi: oh for CHRISTS SAKE

mari tacohashi: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHATS GOING ON

11:56 AM

LASERCORN: UM WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

mari tacohashi: i have no fucking idea!!!!!

mari tacohashi: sohinki and wes both arent answering my texts or calls

mari tacohashi: i have no idea where the fuck they are!!

Batshire: Yikes

LASERCORN: AGREED

mari tacohashi: wes is saying sohinki isnt mad at me

mari tacohashi: that hes the exact opposite of mad at me

mari tacohashi: but i have no idea what that means!!

shayne topp: ooooooh dear

shayne topp: is what i think is happening happening right now??

mari tacohashi: what do you think is happening???

shayne topp: uhhh, well....

shayne topp: i dont think its really my place to say??

mari tacohashi: WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW WHATS GOING ON BUT ME

shayne topp: im really sorry!! but we cant tell you

shayne topp: just know that things will work out in the end :D

mari tacohashi: way to get philosophical, topp

mari tacohashi: and they better

mari tacohashi: sohinki is my best friend in the world

Batshire: Aww

mari tacohashi: id never ever want to lose him

mari tacohashi: bc i just

mari tacohashi: ...

LASERCORN: YOU JUST WHAT

mari tacohashi: alright well i might as well just fucking say it

mari tacohashi: fuck it right???? hes not even in this chat right now anyway

i like buttholes: :0 are you saying what i think youre saying???

mari tacohashi: ive maybe sorta kinda been in love with him since like

mari tacohashi: the 7th grade???

mari tacohashi: and i could never ever stand to not be close to him

mari tacohashi: bc hes wonderful and has always been 100% supportive of me in everything ive done

mari tacohashi: hes talked me out of some dumb shit before

courtney frEAKING MILLER: holy crap this is kind of surreal

Gaylord #2: RIGHT

Gaylord #1: im having an aneurysm????? omg

mari tacohashi: im not gonna ask where the fuck you came from bc im not 100% sure i wanna know

Mom: this is awesome

Dad: i think i might cry

Mom: yo im already crying

FLitz: I Feel That

mari tacohashi: hed better not be mad at me

mari tacohashi: or else i might actually keel over and die i swear to god

Candy!!!: h

Candy!!!: holy fuck

mari tacohashi: WES JESUS CHRIST WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN

mari tacohashi: ANSWER MY TEXTS NEXT TIME YOU FUCK

Candy!!!: this isnt wes

mari tacohashi: ???

mari tacohashi: well then who are y

mari tacohashi:

mari tacohashi:

mari tacohashi: oh my god

Candy!!!: mari holy fuck

mari tacohashi: im

mari tacohashi: im really fucking sorry, sohin

Candy!!!: why

mari tacohashi: what do you mean why

mari tacohashi: im really fucking in love with you, is why

mari tacohashi: and i ruined a perfectly good friendship by not keeping my damn mouth shut

Candy!!!: what the hell are you talking about

Candy!!!: you didnt ruin shit

mari tacohashi: of course i did!!!

mari tacohashi: you wont be able to look at me the same way

mari tacohashi: i just

mari tacohashi: i just dont think i can stand to be friends anymore, now that you know everything

mari tacohashi: im so fucking sorry

Candy!!!:

Candy!!!: god

Candy!!!: i love you but sometimes youre fucking blind

mari tacohashi:

mari tacohashi: what

Candy!!!: i love you too, loser

Candy!!!: thats why i left the chat and said all that vague cryptic ass shit

Candy!!!: ive highkey been in love with you for forever

Candy!!!: and i am

Candy!!!: kind of in shock right now, holy fuck

mari tacohashi: okay brb gonna pinch myself

mari tacohashi: not that i dont trust you

mari tacohashi: but i feel like i may have dreamed this

mari tacohashi: so

Candy!!!: take your time

mari tacohashi: OH MY GOD this isnt a dream

mari tacohashi: are we dating now?

Candy!!!: i mean only if you want to

mari tacohashi: of course i want to!!!!

Candy!!!: alright nicjejkh

mari tacohashi: ???

_Candy!!! added sohin to the chat "SMOSH"._

sohin: you didnt have to punch me that hard wes good god

Candy!!!: Hey, my punching was justified!!!

Candy!!!: You stole my phone and then climbed a goddamn tree!!!! >:(

sohin: irrelevant

sohin: but yeah mari were dating

sohin: god this is great. youre great

mari tacohashi: you are!!!

Gaylord #1: cool me and keith arent the grossest couple alive anymore

sohin: a lie

Dad: GOOD LORD FINALLY

Batshire: Wow

Batshire: That was

Batshire: Kind of emotional to witness

LASERCORN: VERY ACCURATE

LASERCORN: I SHED ONE TEAR

LASERCORN: I HAVE NOT CRIED SINCE 2011

Batshire: This is true

mari tacohashi: um

mari tacohashi: thank you??

sohin: youre welcome i think

Mom: i am so glad this happened??? my children

i like buttholes: :DDDDD i am proud!!!!

courtney frEAKING MILLER: me too!!!!!!

shayne topp: i think we all are

sohin: yeah

mari tacohashi: <3

sohin: <3

LASERCORN: NERDS


End file.
